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| Issue 07 |
February 2006 |
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"Oops, I didn't throw my chat packet in the bin... Are they gonna fine me?" No, it's not an Indian feeling sorry about not throwing his pack in the bin. I heard this from a foreigner who happens to be my MD's guest from England. I wanted to laugh, but I thought it'd be dangerous for my job... so I decided I must not react like that. I didn't know what to say, although I still wanted to laugh out loud. But anyways, I tried to convince him; they won't fine him or put him in jail. Before I could say anything further, he saw a rickshaw walah pissing down the road. Shocked he was, and extremely hesitantly, asked me, "See that chap! He seems to be drunk... If anyone is found roaming drunk in daytime in my country, they put you in jail" I wanted to laugh again, and it was a stronger feeling this time. I told him he isn't drunk, he is attending nature's call... Shocked (yet again), he asked, (again hesitantly), "But aren't there any public toilets for this purpose?" I wanted to shout back and slap him. He was irritating me. I was assigned the job of showing him the city. But he was more so interested in knowing why people pee just like that and why they don't use the bins (which surprisingly, have been put up by the authorities a lot of places...) Anyways, I managed to control myself. I wanted to tell him to take that person's pictures and show it to his coming generations how it is like in India. He was somehow convinced that attending nature's call in such a situation is okay, even if it is embarrassing for others. But he wanted to know why people weren't using the bins, which were there for the purpose. I wanted to shout and slap him again, but I resisted. Somehow my job's security factor stopped me. My MD wouldn't mind me exhausted, but this phirangi should be entertained. I don't know who suggested him to visit this down side market and not our well-known monuments and tourist's spots. Anyways, I tried my level best to tell him this is the way it's in India. "People aren't bothered about such small things, Mr. Corrison. Let me make you taste the most famous sweet available in the market." He came with me, but he still was desperate to ask me again, I knew. He liked the sweet, anyways. I saw him enjoying his sweets, when he broke out, "It's not like India back in my country. The law doesn't allow us to be this casual with the roads and surroundings. Be it markets, malls, even around our houses." I thought I should take him to the Local Development Authorities and let him lecture them. But then my job and my MD struck me. "It's not like this everywhere. You won't find such incidents in posh areas," I said. He shot back almost after half-a-second, "Posh...?" I wondered if the word "posh" has been added in the Oxford dictionary!” It normally refers to areas where there are no such activities and a well-educated class of Indians comes, like a multiplex, etc." He seemed to believe it, I thought. "Take me to one of your multiplexes. I want to watch an Indian movie." Oh, I thought, it'd be such a relief for me... At least there he won't lick my brain cells. I took him to a movie of the drama genre, I thought it'll be a new experience for him and he might just tell this to my MD and he might promote me. "Have you seen any Indian movies in England?" Mr. Corrison was busy seeing the popcorn stall. Just when I thought he was not listening, he replies, "Yeah. I have seen two. I saw Kaebi Khoushie Kaebi Gum and Kael Hou Naa Hou." Aaahhhh, at least he won't ask me why those people on screen are crying like hell and why they are dancing with heavy costumes looking oh-so-uncomfortable... And he won't also ask me how they suddenly land up in Singapores and New Zealands to sing and dance. That's because he has seen two of such movies, already. He asked me for their titles' meanings though. And seemed curious why the lead actor's dad in Kaebi Khoushie Kaebi Gum cried and hugged his sons in the end. I wondered, really, because even I didn't know the reason... And before I could make up something for it, he adds, "Is it true you guys are not open to kissing and sex in your movies?" I then ran to the counter, after trying hard, exchanged them for a Mahesh Bhatt's recent flick. But he was made to believe, he was finding it funny to see those half-baked kisses and hot scenes. "Do Indians have easy access to porn?" God, I felt, is he researching on our views on sex in movies? Thank god, my MD called and told us Mr. Corrison tickets were confirmed. Do I need to tell how I relieved I was?
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